"It's never too late to start your life over."

You know how it is, you're just minding your business, doing whatever it is you are doing and all the sudden, something catches your attention, be it a car, or a woman, or an airplane at 30,000 feet and BANG, you aren't doing what you were doing before, you are distracted by said shiny thing. Yea, welcome to my life.
"I'm not stupid, I'm easily distracted."

Monday, November 26, 2007

The state of the internet, such that it is…

So, I am spending far too much time and money in McDonalds these days. No no, don’t get me wrong, it isn’t to eat, as I am still on a diet, it is to use the internet. Yea, you may want to re-read that. I am using the T-Mobile hotspot at the McDonalds.

Why, you might ask. Well, so glad you asked.

I went to sign up for internet service the other day. It took forever. I waited in line for nearly an hour to talk to the lone representative only to have him tell me in the first 30 seconds that he couldn’t help me because I owed him money. What!?!?! Apparently, the phone provider that I go through didn’t receive my final payment when I turned off my service before I left for Iraq, over 15 months ago. For some odd reason, even though I clearly remember getting my “final bill” and paying it, they say I owe them 48 euro. Except that it isn’t 48 euro. You see, the bill was turned over to a collection agency and now I owe the collection agency 48 euro and a bunch of fees and probably a bunch of interest. Well that isn’t cool. I now have to search my apartment to find that final bill which I am sure I kept, because, heck I didn’t have much going on the last few days before I deployed.

So what does that have to do with internet you ask? Well, 19 months ago when I moved into this apartment I attempted to get internet hooked up (apparently it is a good thing I failed because that 48 euro would probably be 150 euro) and was told that internet wasn’t available where I live.


Now it isn’t as though I live in some tiny backwater town surrounded by cows. I am a mere 8.4 miles from Schweinfurt, and a quick 2 minutes from a major autobahn. I’m not in the styx here! The problem is that I can’t find out if that situation has been remedied until I pay that outstanding bill or prove to them that I already did. So first, I have to find the bill, then I have to wait 2 weeks while TKS verifies that I actually paid it, then I have to go back to TKS, wait in line again, and then wait 2 weeks for them to tell me that I can’t get internet. Is anyone else here frustrated?

I have to have internet. I just do. Internet is what separates us from monkeys. Yea, I said it, but I don’t have to worry because monkeys aren’t going to come after me because, as I have so definitively pointed out in the previous sentence, monkeys don’t have internet, and this blog is only posted on the internet. I am safe. Monkeys do have art and literature and all that, but not internet. Oh, you need more proof huh, well I read somewhere that I won’t bother remembering where, that there is a monkey somewhere with a typewriter and he has pounded out all of the works of Shakespeare, or will shorty. I have it on good authority. There may also be more than one monkey working on the project, but I am sure it doesn’t matter to my point.

So there you have it, I have provided definitive proof and flawless logic, the internet makes you human. (If you can’t follow, I recommend drinking more and re-reading the blog. Repeat as necessary.)

So here I sit, in McDonalds happily posting to my blog; getting weird looks from the other tables as a laugh maniacally at daydreams of monkeys trying to use the internet. Stupid monkeys.

Oh yea, and occasionally I’m doing my schoolwork too. I think I need some fries now…

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